| Positive Language | Negative Language |
| Birthparent | Real parent |
| Biological parent | Natural parent |
| Birth child | Own child |
| My child | Adopted child; own child |
| Born to unmarried parents | Illegitimate |
| Terminate parental rights | Give up |
| Make an adoption plan | Give away |
| To parent | To keep |
| Biological father | Begettor |
| Making contact with | Reunion |
| Parent | Adoptive parent |
| Adoption triad | Adoption triangle |
| Permission to sign a release | Disclosure |
| Search | Track down parents |
| Child placed for adoption | An unwanted child |
| Was adopted | Is adopted |
Some of these terms may seem like splitting hairs, but think about it from a child's point of view. A child who thinks in very literal and concrete terms. And think about the birthmothers who made an adoption plan for their child during an agonizing and difficult decision about whether to parent?
So maybe think about how you talk about adoption. Do you use any of the negative terms above? Challenge yourself to start using some of those positive terms instead!
2 comments:
Before having Kyle in my world, I totally used the negative language without a thought. It's hard to think of a woman who doesn't see or talk to her child much as the real parent when you're the one raising him. It makes a difference both to the child [adopted or step] and to the parents raising the child. If Kyle has to think of her as his real parent, it doesn't take him long to start thinking there must be something wrong with him to have such a screwed up real parent.
I probably wouldn't have given it much thought before, but when it's laid out like this I really appreciate the subtle shift in meaning for was adopted and is adopted. It makes Adoption an event instead of a label or definition.
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