When we moved up here to Alaska almost 11 years ago, I was shocked that fall is all of maybe 4 weeks long. Then the long winter assaulted us rather suddenly. And this last winter felt so much longer because of the deep cold for extended periods. When spring finally arrived, I felt like I was finally able to uncurl from a tight little huddle. Spring has become my new favorite season, and I've been relishing every moment of it for the last few weeks.
Bill and I discussed for a very long time about another kind of change in seasons: my job. As we worked our way through adoption paperwork, I felt very strongly that I wanted to stay home full-time with our child, but we just weren't sure about the timing. And to be honest, I was struggling with a nagging feeling about making ends meet with only one income. I considered taking a leave of absence for a year as a "trial run" rather than make a clean break by resigning.
But a few weeks ago, we finally decided it was time to step out in faith. The Lord has always blessed us richly and met all of our needs. Even when we nearly drained our savings to buy our house 4 years ago, He still provided abundantly. My nagging fears were really doubts about whether the Lord would take care of us. Foolish, since He had already proven Himself time and again. And we have a promise in Scripture.
Luke 12:27-29
27Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
28If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
29And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
Wednesday afternoon, I walked into my principal's office and handed him my resignation. No more debating. No more agonizing. C'est fini. Done. Over. Like the long winter, I am finally breathing free after months of internal debate and hand-wringing. We are looking forward to the possibilities that lay before us. Yes, we were excited to embark on this journey of adoption, but now it seems somehow even more real. I no longer have a safety net, no comfortable routine of summer-school year cycles that have dominated the landscape of my life for the last 17 years. Now we begin something new.
I have no idea how long it will take to be matched with a birth mother. We're still working through the paperwork we received last October. But one thing is certain: the Lord has already been down this unknown road and will guard our steps, provide when we don't know what else to do, and reassure us that He's in control of ALL our seasons.
