We found out a couple of weeks ago that our social worker is on leave for a couple of months, so a new one was assigned to us. Since we started this journey, I think this is our 4th social worker at Bethany. It's easy to start feeling like the hot potato no one wants to be stuck holding, but life happens to everyone - including social workers. But it is hard to develop a really good relationship with such a vital piece of our adoption puzzle.
There are some other pieces that I've been thinking about, too.
New Birthmothers
We had a really long dry spell (about 4 months) of hearing NOTHING from our social worker. She sent an update about a month ago saying that they just weren't getting many new birthmothers coming in to make adoption plans. Then in the last month we've had two emails asking if we wanted to be considered by birthmothers. I feel kind of like we have hiccups: nothing happens for a while, then suddenly it just keeps coming, then stops again later. The Lord has definitely been working in our hearts to make us more patient, depend on Him for our emotional security (not the validation of a young woman who "picks" us) and cause us to pray more for every young woman in these difficult circumstances.
What to Share & What to Keep Private
Every situation is different. And every time we receive a birthmother profile, there is a deciding factor for why she is considering adoption. In some cases, it is simply that she doesn't have the financial means to care for a child. In others, more serious reasons exist: drug use, mental illness, sexual assault. Throughout this journey, we have been very careful to restrain our tongues because the information we receive effects not only a young woman in crisis (who may not have even told her family she's expecting), but will have lasting effects on the baby she carries. We are simply guardians of our child's story; one day our child will carry that story on his/her own. It is not our place to divulge details that may prove to be sensitive areas to our child. Imagine finding out from a stranger or extended family member that your birthmother was raped, resulting in your adoption? There are some weighty issues wrapped up in that one fact, and a child will have to wrestle with them - preferably without an audience.
Bill and I have decided that to protect the privacy of both our child and his/her birthmother, we are going to be very careful what we share - even with family members. Our child's story IS NOT ours to tell. It is only ours to guard.
FAQs
Q: Why is it taking so long for you to get a baby?
A: What many people don't realize is that there are more parents waiting to adopt than there are babies in the US. For every newborn adopted, there are about 26 waiting parents. That wasn't always the case. Once upon a time, the situation was reversed - giving rise to orphanages. In many countries, it is still that way. If it wasn't so expensive to adopt internationally (add another $10,000-$15,000 to domestic adoption fees), I think Bill and I would be considering an international adoption. We haven't ruled it out for the future, but unless God miraculously provides the financial means we will adopt within the US.
So many different pieces. Just one picture. We hope to have more of the picture filled in very soon!
