Where to go from here

The time for updates has arrived. I had hoped that we wouldn't have to go through this step (because we would have already been matched and working toward/finished finalization in court), but here we are. I was reminded yesterday that it's actually not uncommon to have to do a full update, since the homestudy is one of the first things we have to have completed.

The good news is that I managed to plow through the majority of it in just a few hours today. There are quite a few things that haven't changed since we turned in the paperwork the first time, so there were several items that I could just edit or polish. The financial forms were the hardest since I quit my teaching job last year, but even that wasn't too bad.

The most unsettling thing lately is I think the Lord is trying to get my attention about something. The last time I experienced this kind of "prodding" in this particular way from Him was about being obedient in the smallest details. He would not leave the issue alone. Every time I went to church, participated in prayer or read my Bible, it seemed like that issue was a subject (or the subject) of discussion. Eventually, I had to admit that while I was obedient in many other ways, I had not been obedient in THIS way. I was under so much conviction, that I had to clear my conscience and obey.

This time, it's about foster care. We have been asked by several people about whether we've considered foster care or foster-adopt, and it keeps popping up in other ways, too. It seems like every day, the issue of foster care or adopting a child in foster care comes up in some form or fashion.

To be honest, we went into this to adopt a baby. I wanted to be able to raise our child from his/her earliest days. But there are many, many children (about 400,000 according to Administration for Children and Families) who are in foster care, whose average age is over 9 years old, and more than 60,000 of whom are legally free for adoption in the United States (according to Children's Rights). As a public school teacher, I worked with several of these children, and it broke my heart that they didn't get to have the loving, permanent home so many of us take for granted.

I talked yesterday with a colleague and his wife who adopted a couple of years ago. They originally planned for an international adoption, but the country they were working with vastly reduced the number of adoptions they were allowing - effectively slamming the door in their faces. They were forced to either continue waiting (likely years), or turn to another avenue. They now have two more boys added to their family, adopted from right here in the US. They encouraged us to think and pray hard about what our next steps should be. They said it might be surprising to us the path we end up taking.

I don't know yet what we'll decide, or what role the Lord has for us to play concerning foster care. There are a lot of things for us to consider, and we would appreciate your prayers.

One who does IMPOSSIBLE things

A couple of months ago, we arrived at our one-year mark of official waiting. We have had, more than ever, to redirect our focus to Christ and not the discouragement that we are STILL waiting. But I have found encouragement from the books of Nehemiah and Psalms. Let me tell you a little about Nehemiah and how he has encouraged me.

An Impossible Desire
Nehemiah was a man who knew what it meant to be utterly powerless in the face of heartbreak. He had heard about how Jerusalem was in ruins and the people were in poverty. He longed to go to Jerusalem. In fact he WEPT over Jerusalem. He wanted to rebuild its walls so that his people could find a measure of protection from hostile neighbors. But since he was a slave, he had no means to put action to his desire.

The One Who Hears and Answers
Nehemiah turned to the only One who could do this impossible task. He prayed. He fasted. He planned what needed to be done. He continued to do his job as the king's cupbearer. Four long months passed with no apparent progress toward Nehemiah's goal. I'm sure he was tempted to give in to discouragement, but he never stopped praying and fasting. He clung fast to God's promises to answer prayer, because he knew that God is faithful.

Ps. 116:1,2   I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

Psalm 86:7  In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.  

Psalm 138:3  In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.

There are many other verses I could quote, but they all have the same idea: God hears and answers.

The Impossible Becomes a Reality
The Persian king, Artaxerxes, was the only person who could grant Nehemiah permission to leave his current job to rebuild Jerusalem's walls. Not only that, but the king had halted that very work years earlier when Ezra took a group to do that same task. They didn't finish because the king said, "No more building." And Persian kings didn't change their minds. But God does impossible things magnificently! He softened the king's heart toward Nehemiah and graciously gave him what he requested! Because Nehemiah had been planning as he prayed and fasted, he could give the king an answer right away about what was needed and how long it would take. In a flash, what seemed out of reach was a reality.

We need to be more like Nehemiah. The length of our wait is irrelevant, because in God's time all things are done perfectly. Running ahead of Him to speed things up or find another way to get what we long for is counterproductive and will likely have some unintended/undesirable consequences. We must surrender to His way of doing things, even if we don't understand it because He wants to give us the BEST gifts. Often, we will settle for what we can get because we don't realize that there's something so much better waiting for us if we just let God work it all out. We need to remember to rely on His strength when we think we can't possibly wait any longer.

Isaiah 40:31  But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

We appreciate all your prayers for us as we walk this journey. We still need them!

Counting our blessings...one by one

Church family.

Old friends.

Complete strangers.

Family.

Generosity.

Kindred hearts.

When we started our fundraiser, I really didn't know what to expect. I did, and still, know that God provides for us - often in unexpected ways and from unexpected sources.

I will write very sincere thank you notes, but the fact is that we are touched more deeply than we can put into words. "Thank you" just seems too little. But to everyone who is reading this and chose to help us financially on this journey, please know that our gratitude is much greater than feeble words; we are so very humbled that you would join us.

The final total for our fundraiser was nearly $800 in just two months. I don't know if that's supposed to be a little, a lot or something in between - but to US, it is a lot. Much more than we really believed we would raise. But it also speaks to how much people care about us and want to see our dream become a reality of bringing a baby home. We will continue to work toward raising funds through garage sales, grant applications, personal savings and more book commissions. The last two months have been another confirmation, however, that God is providing for us in many ways - including through you.

Thank you so very much!

Puzzle pieces

We found out a couple of weeks ago that our social worker is on leave for a couple of months, so a new one was assigned to us. Since we started this journey, I think this is our 4th social worker at Bethany. It's easy to start feeling like the hot potato no one wants to be stuck holding, but life happens to everyone - including social workers. But it is hard to develop a really good relationship with such a vital piece of our adoption puzzle.

There are some other pieces that I've been thinking about, too.

New Birthmothers
We had a really long dry spell (about 4 months) of hearing NOTHING from our social worker. She sent an update about a month ago saying that they just weren't getting many new birthmothers coming in to make adoption plans. Then in the last month we've had two emails asking if we wanted to be considered by birthmothers. I feel kind of like we have hiccups: nothing happens for a while, then suddenly it just keeps coming, then stops again later. The Lord has definitely been working in our hearts to make us more patient, depend on Him for our emotional security (not the validation of a young woman who "picks" us) and cause us to pray more for every young woman in these difficult circumstances.

What to Share & What to Keep Private
Every situation is different. And every time we receive a birthmother profile, there is a deciding factor for why she is considering adoption. In some cases, it is simply that she doesn't have the financial means to care for a child. In others, more serious reasons exist: drug use, mental illness, sexual assault. Throughout this journey, we have been very careful to restrain our tongues because the information we receive effects not only a young woman in crisis (who may not have even told her family she's expecting), but will have lasting effects on the baby she carries. We are simply guardians of our child's story; one day our child will carry that story on his/her own. It is not our place to divulge details that may prove to be sensitive areas to our child. Imagine finding out from a stranger or extended family member that your birthmother was raped, resulting in your adoption? There are some weighty issues wrapped up in that one fact, and a child will have to wrestle with them - preferably without an audience.

Bill and I have decided that to protect the privacy of both our child and his/her birthmother, we are going to be very careful what we share - even with family members. Our child's story IS NOT ours to tell. It is only ours to guard.

FAQs

Q: Why is it taking so long for you to get a baby?
A: What many people don't realize is that there are more parents waiting to adopt than there are babies in the US. For every newborn adopted, there are about 26 waiting parents. That wasn't always the case. Once upon a time, the situation was reversed - giving rise to orphanages. In many countries, it is still that way. If it wasn't so expensive to adopt internationally (add another $10,000-$15,000 to domestic adoption fees), I think Bill and I would be considering an international adoption. We haven't ruled it out for the future, but unless God miraculously provides the financial means we will adopt within the US.

So many different pieces. Just one picture. We hope to have more of the picture filled in very soon!

Supplying for Our Needs

When Bill and I started this adoption journey, we were both employed full time. I knew at some point I wanted to stay at home full time to be with our child and to homeschool, but we had no definite plans for that at the time. As we neared the completion of all our paperwork, we decided to take a step of faith by turning in my resignation. You can read more about that here.

In the last 11 months, we've managed to accomplish a lot, but right around Christmas we realized that I needed to work at least part time to make sure we could pay our bills. We were still fine-tuning our new budget, and we got hit with a couple of HUGE expenses (replaced our boiler and had to pay the adoption agency roughly half of our total bill). Even though I didn't think I'd be back in schools so soon (if ever), I started subbing.

Once we are matched with a birthmother, we will have some more huge bills to pay. So we have decided that we will have a fundraiser and apply for adoption grants to help close the gap between our earnings and what we know will be coming.

Yesterday, I sent out emails and Facebook Event notifications to our fundraiser and already have one supporter! I tried to be thorough and invited everyone we knew, but I'm sure I missed some people. If you were one that we missed, just email me and I'll include you!

The Lord knows exactly what we need, when we need it, and how great our need will be. We are trusting that whatever we raise from our fundraiser will be sufficient. But just as it is with anything unknown, our faith will be stretched. Asking for help is rarely easy, and often harder in the case of money.

My mom gave me a wonderful nugget of encouragement when I expressed my concerns about our finances on one income. She told me that although we were uncertain one income would be enough, we would learn to live within our means. We would be surprised by the "hidden" things on which we spent our money. She was right! And although we are again at a bend in the road and can't see how it will work out, we are trusting that it WILL work out!

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:18-20

~Edited to add~

Since I wrote this post, we've had donations/purchases made to our fundraiser. NEVER in my wildest imagination did I think we would already be at this point less than 2 days into the fundraiser! Here is our progress so far, and there's a new tab above for a separate page showing just our fundraising progress. We are so blessed and humbled that people would join us in our journey to adopt! Thank you!

The Six Month Mark

It is hard to believe that it has been six months since we turned in all of our paperwork and became "public" to birthmothers. As I've mentioned before, only about 50% of adoptive parents are matched to a birthmother in less than six months, so in terms of statistics we are still well within the norm.

In the last few months, we've been able to get a lot done in preparation for a baby. We've also decided that I need to go back to work temporarily to help offset some big expenses - one of which was to our adoption agency. I'm hoping that by claiming the Adoption Tax Credit on our 2012 taxes we will see a lot of that money come back to us. But in the meantime, Bill wants to make sure we stay out of trouble with our bills.

Although I thought my time in public education was over, I have signed up as a substitute with the school district. It's a flexible, easy way for me to work immediately while I look for something more steady. Ideally, I'd love to work from home. But those jobs are not easy to find, and I'm not exactly wild about starting my own home business. I do have a lead on a part-time tutoring position at one of the elementary schools. So we will see where it leads.

In the meantime, please continue to pray for us and the birthmother of our future child. We had a lot of "do you want to be viewed?" requests from our social worker right after turning in our paperwork and about a dozen total so far. It's been 1 1/2 months since the last one.

And then there are the updates. When your homestudy is nearing the 1 year mark, it's time to update it with any changes. In Washington, we don't have to update until the 2 year mark - which we will be approaching in about 5 months. So we are looking ahead to that while praying that we'll be matched before then. Thank you for your prayers as we wait through the Lord's timing!

"It must be hard to wait..."

That's what our investment advisor told us at the end of our last meeting with him. He knew from our prior meetings that we were working on an adoption, and to him it seemed like a hard thing to wait when you don't have a "due date".

And he's right in one sense.

Unlike pregnancy, we have no date to anticipate. We may be close to having a baby come home, or we may be a long way from it...and anything in between. Like a 5 year old, the beginning of the long wait doesn't seem so bad. We're just SURE that it will be any day now. But as time passes, we begin to wonder just WHEN it will happen. Then even longer into the wait we begin to ask, "Are you sure it's going to happen?" Given enough time, we might even be tempted to despair as we become convinced it will never happen. Unfortunately, that's the trap many adoptive parents fall into when they've waited a long time (and for reference, a long time is 12+ months).

Recently I've been catching myself questioning God's timing as we wait. Each time, I have to confess it and give it back to Him. I have to remind myself that:

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

The gift of a child is arguably one of the best God gives a couple. I have to remember that when I rush His timing or try to run ahead of Him, what I end up getting is not nearly as good as what God wants to give me. So I have to learn to trust Him and wait for HIS timing.

A friend of mine was telling a story about her daughter, who really wanted some pretty pillow cases to go with her new bedding that she recently got. My friend kept saying no to her daughter's pleas. The reason, as the daughter found out later, was that my friend had already purchased some new sheets that matched the rest of the bedding - including the pillow cases. Not only had my friend blessed her daughter with the pillow cases, but with sheets - something the daughter had not even requested.

The Lord is like that. What we want (and what we can't see at the time) is not as good as what the Lord wants to give us. If left to my own devices, we would have had the baby home 3 months ago. And I would have been frantic trying to get all the clothes, diapers, crib + bedding, changing table (and let's not forget the nursery was formerly a "catch all" room that needed to be cleaned out) and all the other things babies need - all while I functioned on less sleep than normal and a crazy, off-beat schedule.

I can see now that these last 3 months have allowed me to get many of those things done so that we can at least function for the first few weeks and months. Only the Lord knows how much better prepared I will be when He finally DOES say, "It's time!"

But more importantly, there's the emotional and spiritual preparation that takes place in our lives and in the lives of the birthparents. Simply put, either one party or both parties simply are not ready for one another. I have no idea what issues the birthparents are dealing with, but I do know that God wants to work through those circumstances to draw them closer to Himself. That's what He's doing with us, too. When everything is just as He wants it, He will open the door to allow us to walk through and accept the gift He has been preparing.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

Psalm 62:5