Irrevocable change

It's been far too long since I updated here, but tomorrow is a big day! The boys have been to visit in Fairbanks twice now, and tomorrow is MOVE IN DAY!

One week before Christmas, our most anticipated gifts will arrive on an early-morning flight. To be honest, excitement has been the main emotion in play for us, but we also know that joining our family means leaving another one (two, actually, if you count their bio family and their foster family). It also means a new lifestyle, new house, new school (we'll be schooling at home), new friends....new EVERYthing.

As adults, we adapt to change fairly easily. We have a pretty good idea of what to expect and how to cope with changes (even unexpected ones). But with only 8 and 11 years of experience, the boys have had a lot of hard life lessons that I hope none of you ever have to face. And then there are these two adults that they barely know who are now their primary caregivers.

Please pray for all of us. This is a wonderful, exciting and expected change - but the boys will eventually miss their old life, long to see the friends and family that live on the other side of a very large state, and I expect they will probably have a meltdown or two. I probably would, too. So this change will be bittersweet. But for now we'll dwell in the sweetness and happiness of our new family.

As Christmas draws near, remember the gift of family that YOU have. Remember the Savior that came for the sole purpose of dying on a cross to pay for our sins. His coming was bittersweet, too. I'm sure Joseph and Mary knew the Old Testament prophesies about the death the Savior would suffer, one that undoubtedly saddened them, perhaps even scared them. But like all new parents, in that moment when the baby is new and has finally arrived, they rejoiced. The Messiah had come, and his purpose was to seek and save those who are trapped in sin. What a beautiful picture, and what a wonderful Savior!

One little child changes everything! Merry Christmas!

"Pour You Out a Blessing"

Malachi 3:10b  ...and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

We had a guest preacher at our church yesterday who preached two excellent, convicting messages about what Christians ought to forget and what they should remember (you can hear them at the church's website, www.biblebaptistfairbanks.com). The second message was by far the most convicting of the two. There have been numerous times along this adoption journey that I fretted about how we were going to pay for this item, or how will a situation be resolved (just read some past posts to see how I've floundered). The preacher reminded us that kind of thinking is no different than the disciples' disbelief after Jesus fed the 5,000 in Mark 6. Read the story and put yourself inside it. Imagine that you were really there and saw this miracle. Would you be amazed? Would you be skeptical? Would you wonder if Jesus could do it again? 

This was not the first miracle the disciples had witnessed, but apparently they were a bit slow of learning in the matter of faith. When Jesus showed up to calm the storm, they were amazed - but the following statement indicates that this was an unbelieving amazement:

52 For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened.

As I listened to the preacher, I suddenly realized that too often I wait on God's provision worried about whether it will be enough, whether it will be on time, whether .... - you get the picture. Instead, I ought to be looking back at all that He has already done for us and sitting on the edge of my seat excited to see how He will answer this time. Because He WILL provide. He WILL do something amazing.

Last week, the boys found out we wanted to adopt them. Their response was joy and excitement! Their workers then approached us about another visit, this time with the boys coming to our town for a while as their foster family went on vacation. We asked for help locating beds and dressers for the boys. The amazing part? Within 48 hours we had everything we needed, and IT WAS ALL FREE. Very generous people just gave us what we needed. One couple didn't even know us when they offered a bed for free.

God has always shown Himself faithful to us when were in in need - why wonder if He will be faithful in the now when His faithfulness in the past is so abundantly clear? God never changes; it is our foolish, unbelieving hearts that need to change. As the hymn, How Can I Fear, says:

When shadows fall and the night covers all

There are things that my eyes cannot see.

I never fear, for the Saviour is near.

My LORD abides with me!

How can I fear? Jesus is near!

He ever watches over me!

Worries all cease; He gives me peace.

How can I fear with Jesus?

When I'm alone and I face the unknown

And I fear what the future may be,

I can depend on the strength of my Friend!

He walks along with me.

How can I fear? Jesus is near!

He ever watches over me!

Worries all cease; He gives me peace.

How can I fear with Jesus?

Jesus is King! He controls everything!

He is with me each night and each day.

I trust my soul to the Saviour's control;

He drives all fear away!

How can I fear? Jesus is near!

He ever watches over me!

Worries all cease; He gives me peace.

How can I fear with Jesus?

Like First Date Jitters

This post has been a long time coming, but it's definitely worthwhile to update you on the eve of a big event for us.

We are meeting a sibling set (2 boys - Anthony, 8 and Henry, 10) tomorrow that are waiting to be adopted.

Yes, you read that right! This is the farthest we've ever been in our search for the kid(s) that will become part of our family.

I'm excited. Nervous. A little scared. Freaked out. Insecure. EMOTIONAL. It's a strange mix of emotions that reminds me a lot of first date jitters.

What if they don't like us? Are we going to blow it with OCS? Will another family come forward and ultimately become their forever family? Is this really happening? THIS IS HAPPENING!!!

As my wise mother advised: "Honey, the LORD knows 'you have never been this way before'* so HE will go before you. Trust in His leading and do not fear. Enjoy the moment and your time in Anchorage."

In ladies' Bible study each week, we have been working through Jim Berg's study, Quieting a Noisy Soul (which has been SO helpful during this process). He says in one of the lessons that we set ourselves up for a lot of failure and feeding into our unbelief when we start dealing in uncertainties instead of CERTAINTIES. God's truth tells me:

Psalm 23:2b
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

Psalm 25:5
Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.

Psalm 61:2
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

There is a whole lot of comfort in knowing that God is up to something good in our lives, and we simply need to trust that no matter what, He will turn all of this to our good and His glory.

Please pray for us this weekend:

• Traveling mercies on the plan ride down and back
• Safety on the roads as we drive around Anchorage
• For lots of fun and laughter with the boys

*My mom is referring to Joshua 3:4b "...for ye have not passed this way heretofore."

Moving along

Originally, I had planned this post to update you about Dylan, the 10 year old boy I referred to in my last update. But about two weeks ago, we were told that another family had been selected for him. It was hard to hear after putting in two months of prayer, locating community resources for him and talking with his social workers. But we have prayed all along that God would clearly tell us what we are to do by either opening the doors for us or close them firmly. Finding out that another family was chosen may have been hard, but it was an answer to prayer since that door is obviously shut.

Just a week after this, we received an email from Angela, one of the social workers we talked with about Dylan. She works with Wendy's Wonderful Kids to find adoptive families for kids who have been waiting the longest for a forever family. She said she has another child (Barbara, 11 years old) that she thinks might be a good match for our family. Bill and I prayed, talked and prayed some more. This was not an opportunity we sought out, and Barbara isn't listed on the state's adoption website or on the Northwest Adoption Exchange website. We would never even have known about her except that Angela told us. We decided that we would walk through this door, as well, just as we have done this entire journey.

We don't have many details at this point (and we couldn't share them even if we DID have them), but what we know so far gives us reason to be optimistic. The next step is to talk with Barbara's caseworker from the state. This is a busy time of year, so we are hoping to have some sort of contact in the next week.

Ways you can pray for us:

• Wisdom for us, Barbara's caseworker and Angela to discern whether this is a good match
• Patience and steadfastness (this is our third child/sibling group we have looked at for potential adoption - it is ALWAYS hard to hear that they are going to another family)
• Diligence as we explore Barbara's needs

We truly appreciate all the prayers on our behalf - thank you!

Decisions, decisions, decisions!

A few months ago, I asked for your prayers as we sought the Lord's will concerning two little girls (you can read about that here). As we requested, the Lord firmly shut that door to us. In the meantime, we had a lot of travel and some training we wanted to complete, and our homestudy update was still in progress.

Fast forward to now, and we are STILL waiting for the update (the FBI has taken a nose-dive when it comes to timely fingerprint clearances). But we decided to tentatively move forward with contacting the state about an older child adoption. The boy that first touched my heart is still available for adoption, which gave us reason to think God still wants us to move in this direction. So we contacted the state adoption exchange to express our interest in him.

Then all sorts of things started to happen. We got a phone call just a couple of days later about a baby girl due in January. And today the state called asking if we would be interested in two sisters (8 & 14) who will be available for adoption next month and need a new caregiver. And, of course, our agency contacted us yesterday to ask if we'd like to be considered by another birthmother.

I have to say that I'm perplexed as to why God has seen fit to throw all of this at us at once. My head is spinning, to be honest. Knowing which way is the Lord's will is confusing right now, and the only thing I know to do is to at least walk through the doors and see what happens. And then the thought has crossed my mind: what if God sees fit to add to our household MULTIPLE children in a short time? My heart quakes at how much we would be stretched!

We know there are many, many people praying for us. Please keep it up! Some specific ways you can pray:

• For wisdom as we sort through all the potential options before us
• That we would have discernment about which options we should pursue (or abandon)
• We would have the Lord's peace in the midst of what seems to be confusion and turmoil
• I would be emotionally calm - especially if we have to say, "No" to a child who needs a family

Psalm 71:1 In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.

A Yielded Heart

You may remember that I posted several months ago that I felt the Lord was prompting us to consider adopting older children. It took me a while to finally yield to Him, but now I can see why He was asking us to obey in this way.

Last week, a friend of ours asked for an update on our adoption process, then told us that her heart has been burdened for two little girls at the school where she works. The state is looking at placing the girls in an adoptive home, and our friend wondered if we would be interested.

To be honest, had she asked that question seven months ago, my answer probably would have been a flat, "No." But because the Lord has been gently, yet firmly, asking me to re-evaluate some issues I had not fully faced, I have arrived at a place where the answer can be, "Yes."

There are so many variables involved, and at this point we really do not know for sure if this is the Lord's will. But as I told our social worker, all we can do is walk up to the doors that God seems to have set before us, knock and see what happens. If He opens the door, we intend to walk through it to the next door. If this is NOT His will, we pray that He will slam it firmly in our faces.

Please pray with us about this situation. I cannot share any details about the girls, but God knows every detail, even the ones hidden from those who know the girls best. Some specific ways you can pray for us:

• Our social work has advised us to proceed with the foster care licensing process since it could be months for the state to finally make an adoptive placement. (can you spell PAPERWORK?)
• We are STILL waiting for Bill's fingerprints to clear. Our social worker can't finalize our homestudy until that is done.
• Part of the foster care application requires training that could take us a month or more to complete. We are praying for an expedited way to get it done. There is an element of time sensitivity involved.
• We will need to make adjustments to our home. We had originally intended to welcome an infant to our house; the girls are significantly older, and we'll need to adapt accordingly.
• That the Lord would give us wisdom, patience, peace and understanding should the girls be placed in our home.

Thank you for your prayers on our behalf!

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. 

Psalm 37:23

Hunt. Gather. Grow.

Summer time in Alaska is when a lot of pent up energy finally gets unleashed. The temperature rise and longer days provide ample opportunity for all sorts of life to finally emerge from under the frozen snow and ice that dominate so many months of our year. There are plenty of opportunities to relax, but there is also much to be done: gardening, berry picking, fishing, and preserving are but a few. By the time March rolls around, I am more than ready for summer to begin. I never know just how much will be in my freezer at the end of summer, but I work as hard as I can to put up what God provides. Alas, it will be two more months before summer will arrive in earnest, and so we WAIT.

That's sort of how we feel right now. Our homestudy update is in limbo as we WAIT for our fingerprints to clear (again). We WAIT for a birthmother to choose us. We WAIT for God's provision of funds, both for our normal living expenses and for our adoption fund. Waiting forces us to look to the LORD because there's absolutely nothing we can do about several of those things.

One thing we can do, however, is attempt to fundraise for our adoption expenses. Last year, we held a garage sale and put my Usborne Books & More commission toward our adoption fund. This year, I plan to have another garage sale, a plant sale and now we are launching a Cards for a Cause fundraiser, too.

In this fundraiser, we are selling boxes of greeting cards. All the proceeds from this fundraiser go into our adoption fund. Each box of cards has 30 cards and costs $30. They are handmade cards for all occasions with coordinating envelopes in a keepsake box. Occasions include birthdays, celebrations, thank yous, and more. They are beautifully embellished and individually wrapped. We have an adult box and a kids' box - you choose!

In addition to posting this on our blog, I will be emailing friends and family about our fundraiser. I've set up an event on Facebook (click the link to go to it) where you can follow our progress. And you can see how much we've raised in our fundraising efforts on our Fundraiser Progress page.

Just as I never know how abundant my berry harvest will be or how well my garden will produce or how many fish we'll catch, we wait on the LORD to provide. And remember that we appreciate every form of support from our friends and family whether it be words of encouragement, participating in our fundraisers, or praying for us; we know that there are many, MANY people who care for us. We are thankful for each and every one of you!

Where to go from here

The time for updates has arrived. I had hoped that we wouldn't have to go through this step (because we would have already been matched and working toward/finished finalization in court), but here we are. I was reminded yesterday that it's actually not uncommon to have to do a full update, since the homestudy is one of the first things we have to have completed.

The good news is that I managed to plow through the majority of it in just a few hours today. There are quite a few things that haven't changed since we turned in the paperwork the first time, so there were several items that I could just edit or polish. The financial forms were the hardest since I quit my teaching job last year, but even that wasn't too bad.

The most unsettling thing lately is I think the Lord is trying to get my attention about something. The last time I experienced this kind of "prodding" in this particular way from Him was about being obedient in the smallest details. He would not leave the issue alone. Every time I went to church, participated in prayer or read my Bible, it seemed like that issue was a subject (or the subject) of discussion. Eventually, I had to admit that while I was obedient in many other ways, I had not been obedient in THIS way. I was under so much conviction, that I had to clear my conscience and obey.

This time, it's about foster care. We have been asked by several people about whether we've considered foster care or foster-adopt, and it keeps popping up in other ways, too. It seems like every day, the issue of foster care or adopting a child in foster care comes up in some form or fashion.

To be honest, we went into this to adopt a baby. I wanted to be able to raise our child from his/her earliest days. But there are many, many children (about 400,000 according to Administration for Children and Families) who are in foster care, whose average age is over 9 years old, and more than 60,000 of whom are legally free for adoption in the United States (according to Children's Rights). As a public school teacher, I worked with several of these children, and it broke my heart that they didn't get to have the loving, permanent home so many of us take for granted.

I talked yesterday with a colleague and his wife who adopted a couple of years ago. They originally planned for an international adoption, but the country they were working with vastly reduced the number of adoptions they were allowing - effectively slamming the door in their faces. They were forced to either continue waiting (likely years), or turn to another avenue. They now have two more boys added to their family, adopted from right here in the US. They encouraged us to think and pray hard about what our next steps should be. They said it might be surprising to us the path we end up taking.

I don't know yet what we'll decide, or what role the Lord has for us to play concerning foster care. There are a lot of things for us to consider, and we would appreciate your prayers.

One who does IMPOSSIBLE things

A couple of months ago, we arrived at our one-year mark of official waiting. We have had, more than ever, to redirect our focus to Christ and not the discouragement that we are STILL waiting. But I have found encouragement from the books of Nehemiah and Psalms. Let me tell you a little about Nehemiah and how he has encouraged me.

An Impossible Desire
Nehemiah was a man who knew what it meant to be utterly powerless in the face of heartbreak. He had heard about how Jerusalem was in ruins and the people were in poverty. He longed to go to Jerusalem. In fact he WEPT over Jerusalem. He wanted to rebuild its walls so that his people could find a measure of protection from hostile neighbors. But since he was a slave, he had no means to put action to his desire.

The One Who Hears and Answers
Nehemiah turned to the only One who could do this impossible task. He prayed. He fasted. He planned what needed to be done. He continued to do his job as the king's cupbearer. Four long months passed with no apparent progress toward Nehemiah's goal. I'm sure he was tempted to give in to discouragement, but he never stopped praying and fasting. He clung fast to God's promises to answer prayer, because he knew that God is faithful.

Ps. 116:1,2   I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

Psalm 86:7  In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.  

Psalm 138:3  In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.

There are many other verses I could quote, but they all have the same idea: God hears and answers.

The Impossible Becomes a Reality
The Persian king, Artaxerxes, was the only person who could grant Nehemiah permission to leave his current job to rebuild Jerusalem's walls. Not only that, but the king had halted that very work years earlier when Ezra took a group to do that same task. They didn't finish because the king said, "No more building." And Persian kings didn't change their minds. But God does impossible things magnificently! He softened the king's heart toward Nehemiah and graciously gave him what he requested! Because Nehemiah had been planning as he prayed and fasted, he could give the king an answer right away about what was needed and how long it would take. In a flash, what seemed out of reach was a reality.

We need to be more like Nehemiah. The length of our wait is irrelevant, because in God's time all things are done perfectly. Running ahead of Him to speed things up or find another way to get what we long for is counterproductive and will likely have some unintended/undesirable consequences. We must surrender to His way of doing things, even if we don't understand it because He wants to give us the BEST gifts. Often, we will settle for what we can get because we don't realize that there's something so much better waiting for us if we just let God work it all out. We need to remember to rely on His strength when we think we can't possibly wait any longer.

Isaiah 40:31  But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

We appreciate all your prayers for us as we walk this journey. We still need them!

Counting our blessings...one by one

Church family.

Old friends.

Complete strangers.

Family.

Generosity.

Kindred hearts.

When we started our fundraiser, I really didn't know what to expect. I did, and still, know that God provides for us - often in unexpected ways and from unexpected sources.

I will write very sincere thank you notes, but the fact is that we are touched more deeply than we can put into words. "Thank you" just seems too little. But to everyone who is reading this and chose to help us financially on this journey, please know that our gratitude is much greater than feeble words; we are so very humbled that you would join us.

The final total for our fundraiser was nearly $800 in just two months. I don't know if that's supposed to be a little, a lot or something in between - but to US, it is a lot. Much more than we really believed we would raise. But it also speaks to how much people care about us and want to see our dream become a reality of bringing a baby home. We will continue to work toward raising funds through garage sales, grant applications, personal savings and more book commissions. The last two months have been another confirmation, however, that God is providing for us in many ways - including through you.

Thank you so very much!

Puzzle pieces

We found out a couple of weeks ago that our social worker is on leave for a couple of months, so a new one was assigned to us. Since we started this journey, I think this is our 4th social worker at Bethany. It's easy to start feeling like the hot potato no one wants to be stuck holding, but life happens to everyone - including social workers. But it is hard to develop a really good relationship with such a vital piece of our adoption puzzle.

There are some other pieces that I've been thinking about, too.

New Birthmothers
We had a really long dry spell (about 4 months) of hearing NOTHING from our social worker. She sent an update about a month ago saying that they just weren't getting many new birthmothers coming in to make adoption plans. Then in the last month we've had two emails asking if we wanted to be considered by birthmothers. I feel kind of like we have hiccups: nothing happens for a while, then suddenly it just keeps coming, then stops again later. The Lord has definitely been working in our hearts to make us more patient, depend on Him for our emotional security (not the validation of a young woman who "picks" us) and cause us to pray more for every young woman in these difficult circumstances.

What to Share & What to Keep Private
Every situation is different. And every time we receive a birthmother profile, there is a deciding factor for why she is considering adoption. In some cases, it is simply that she doesn't have the financial means to care for a child. In others, more serious reasons exist: drug use, mental illness, sexual assault. Throughout this journey, we have been very careful to restrain our tongues because the information we receive effects not only a young woman in crisis (who may not have even told her family she's expecting), but will have lasting effects on the baby she carries. We are simply guardians of our child's story; one day our child will carry that story on his/her own. It is not our place to divulge details that may prove to be sensitive areas to our child. Imagine finding out from a stranger or extended family member that your birthmother was raped, resulting in your adoption? There are some weighty issues wrapped up in that one fact, and a child will have to wrestle with them - preferably without an audience.

Bill and I have decided that to protect the privacy of both our child and his/her birthmother, we are going to be very careful what we share - even with family members. Our child's story IS NOT ours to tell. It is only ours to guard.

FAQs

Q: Why is it taking so long for you to get a baby?
A: What many people don't realize is that there are more parents waiting to adopt than there are babies in the US. For every newborn adopted, there are about 26 waiting parents. That wasn't always the case. Once upon a time, the situation was reversed - giving rise to orphanages. In many countries, it is still that way. If it wasn't so expensive to adopt internationally (add another $10,000-$15,000 to domestic adoption fees), I think Bill and I would be considering an international adoption. We haven't ruled it out for the future, but unless God miraculously provides the financial means we will adopt within the US.

So many different pieces. Just one picture. We hope to have more of the picture filled in very soon!

Supplying for Our Needs

When Bill and I started this adoption journey, we were both employed full time. I knew at some point I wanted to stay at home full time to be with our child and to homeschool, but we had no definite plans for that at the time. As we neared the completion of all our paperwork, we decided to take a step of faith by turning in my resignation. You can read more about that here.

In the last 11 months, we've managed to accomplish a lot, but right around Christmas we realized that I needed to work at least part time to make sure we could pay our bills. We were still fine-tuning our new budget, and we got hit with a couple of HUGE expenses (replaced our boiler and had to pay the adoption agency roughly half of our total bill). Even though I didn't think I'd be back in schools so soon (if ever), I started subbing.

Once we are matched with a birthmother, we will have some more huge bills to pay. So we have decided that we will have a fundraiser and apply for adoption grants to help close the gap between our earnings and what we know will be coming.

Yesterday, I sent out emails and Facebook Event notifications to our fundraiser and already have one supporter! I tried to be thorough and invited everyone we knew, but I'm sure I missed some people. If you were one that we missed, just email me and I'll include you!

The Lord knows exactly what we need, when we need it, and how great our need will be. We are trusting that whatever we raise from our fundraiser will be sufficient. But just as it is with anything unknown, our faith will be stretched. Asking for help is rarely easy, and often harder in the case of money.

My mom gave me a wonderful nugget of encouragement when I expressed my concerns about our finances on one income. She told me that although we were uncertain one income would be enough, we would learn to live within our means. We would be surprised by the "hidden" things on which we spent our money. She was right! And although we are again at a bend in the road and can't see how it will work out, we are trusting that it WILL work out!

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:18-20

~Edited to add~

Since I wrote this post, we've had donations/purchases made to our fundraiser. NEVER in my wildest imagination did I think we would already be at this point less than 2 days into the fundraiser! Here is our progress so far, and there's a new tab above for a separate page showing just our fundraising progress. We are so blessed and humbled that people would join us in our journey to adopt! Thank you!

The Six Month Mark

It is hard to believe that it has been six months since we turned in all of our paperwork and became "public" to birthmothers. As I've mentioned before, only about 50% of adoptive parents are matched to a birthmother in less than six months, so in terms of statistics we are still well within the norm.

In the last few months, we've been able to get a lot done in preparation for a baby. We've also decided that I need to go back to work temporarily to help offset some big expenses - one of which was to our adoption agency. I'm hoping that by claiming the Adoption Tax Credit on our 2012 taxes we will see a lot of that money come back to us. But in the meantime, Bill wants to make sure we stay out of trouble with our bills.

Although I thought my time in public education was over, I have signed up as a substitute with the school district. It's a flexible, easy way for me to work immediately while I look for something more steady. Ideally, I'd love to work from home. But those jobs are not easy to find, and I'm not exactly wild about starting my own home business. I do have a lead on a part-time tutoring position at one of the elementary schools. So we will see where it leads.

In the meantime, please continue to pray for us and the birthmother of our future child. We had a lot of "do you want to be viewed?" requests from our social worker right after turning in our paperwork and about a dozen total so far. It's been 1 1/2 months since the last one.

And then there are the updates. When your homestudy is nearing the 1 year mark, it's time to update it with any changes. In Washington, we don't have to update until the 2 year mark - which we will be approaching in about 5 months. So we are looking ahead to that while praying that we'll be matched before then. Thank you for your prayers as we wait through the Lord's timing!

"It must be hard to wait..."

That's what our investment advisor told us at the end of our last meeting with him. He knew from our prior meetings that we were working on an adoption, and to him it seemed like a hard thing to wait when you don't have a "due date".

And he's right in one sense.

Unlike pregnancy, we have no date to anticipate. We may be close to having a baby come home, or we may be a long way from it...and anything in between. Like a 5 year old, the beginning of the long wait doesn't seem so bad. We're just SURE that it will be any day now. But as time passes, we begin to wonder just WHEN it will happen. Then even longer into the wait we begin to ask, "Are you sure it's going to happen?" Given enough time, we might even be tempted to despair as we become convinced it will never happen. Unfortunately, that's the trap many adoptive parents fall into when they've waited a long time (and for reference, a long time is 12+ months).

Recently I've been catching myself questioning God's timing as we wait. Each time, I have to confess it and give it back to Him. I have to remind myself that:

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11

The gift of a child is arguably one of the best God gives a couple. I have to remember that when I rush His timing or try to run ahead of Him, what I end up getting is not nearly as good as what God wants to give me. So I have to learn to trust Him and wait for HIS timing.

A friend of mine was telling a story about her daughter, who really wanted some pretty pillow cases to go with her new bedding that she recently got. My friend kept saying no to her daughter's pleas. The reason, as the daughter found out later, was that my friend had already purchased some new sheets that matched the rest of the bedding - including the pillow cases. Not only had my friend blessed her daughter with the pillow cases, but with sheets - something the daughter had not even requested.

The Lord is like that. What we want (and what we can't see at the time) is not as good as what the Lord wants to give us. If left to my own devices, we would have had the baby home 3 months ago. And I would have been frantic trying to get all the clothes, diapers, crib + bedding, changing table (and let's not forget the nursery was formerly a "catch all" room that needed to be cleaned out) and all the other things babies need - all while I functioned on less sleep than normal and a crazy, off-beat schedule.

I can see now that these last 3 months have allowed me to get many of those things done so that we can at least function for the first few weeks and months. Only the Lord knows how much better prepared I will be when He finally DOES say, "It's time!"

But more importantly, there's the emotional and spiritual preparation that takes place in our lives and in the lives of the birthparents. Simply put, either one party or both parties simply are not ready for one another. I have no idea what issues the birthparents are dealing with, but I do know that God wants to work through those circumstances to draw them closer to Himself. That's what He's doing with us, too. When everything is just as He wants it, He will open the door to allow us to walk through and accept the gift He has been preparing.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

Psalm 62:5

We're just waiting...

After all the times we were told, "Here's just one more thing to fill out", we are finally, truly done with paperwork (at least I'm pretty sure about that) until it's time to finalize the adoption. We kept checking Bethany's website to see if we were listed yet, and after a few weeks of not seeing ourselves there, we contacted our social worker. Apparently they changed the way they do web profiles, and our instructions (which we followed to the letter) were outdated. Our social worker remedied the situation promptly, but it still leaves a lingering question in my mind...are we REALLY done?

We've been viewed by two birthmothers so far, but at this point, we are just waiting. We don't have much news to share because there's no news yet. So I thought it might be helpful for some of you out there if I answered some of the questions that we get quite regularly from friends/family asking if we have news. There are so many questions, however, that I think I'll just answer one or two at a time.  :)

Q: How long will it take?

A: We really don't know. Today's infant adoptions in the US are nearly all "open" adoptions to some degree (see the next question if you don't know what an open adoption is). According to a recent statistic from Adoptive Families Magazine Adoption Guide 2012, 33% of adoptive families are matched with a birthmother within 3 months of completing their portfolio. 50% of families are matched within 4-6 months, and 73% are matched within 7-12 months.

On top of that, 40% of families were matched less than a month before their child was born. What that means is that there's a lot of waiting, then a flurry of activity once the match is made because adoptive families won't have 9 months to prepare (unless they started preparing while they were waiting) - they may only have 1-4 months to do that.

Q: What is an open adoption?

A: There's a lot of misconception out there about open adoption. The simplest definition of an open adoption is that there is some form of relationship and/or communication between the birth family and adoptive family before, during and/or after an adoption is complete. That will look very different from family to family. Some families only mail pictures and letters on a regular schedule to the adoption agency to forward to the birth family. Some families exchange gifts with birth families for important occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc). I've even met a family that takes vacations to visit the birth family and had a prior relationship before the baby was born. It DOES NOT MEAN co-parenting. Once the baby is placed with the adoptive family, the birthparents' parental rights are terminated and they no longer have any rights in regards to the child. None. Even the birth certificate is replaced to show the adoptive parents instead of the birthparents (which is why many older adoptees have found it hard to locate their birthparents - the old birth certificate in many states was sealed much like a juvenile criminal record).

Now, that being said, the birth family will always be part of the child. Many adopted kids will want to know if they look like their birthmom or birthdad, or if there are any siblings, or any number of other questions that link them genetically and biologically to their birth family. How the relationship of this "extended family" plays out is like any other decision parents make for their kids. Ultimately, the adoptive parents have complete and final discretion on with whom and how their adopted child interacts.

Phwew! Clear as mud, yet? Don't worry, I think I'll create a FAQ page to hold all these Q&A's. And if YOU have a question you'd like to have answered, just leave it in the comments and I'll post the answer here!

Take a peek at our adoption photo album!

We are FINALLY done with paperwork! We are mailing it all in today's mail, and the photo albums are printing as we speak! Here's a virtual look at the book!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly offers exclusive photobook layouts so you can make your book just the way you want.

So now, we are waiting. Since our books won't arrive for another week, and our social worker has to double check that we gave them everything they need, I figure we'll be "viewable" to birthmothers by the end of the month. {can you see me doing the happy dance? good - I'm a horrible dancer!  :D }

So, now a new phase begins in our journey. Please pray for us:

1. that the Lord will be honored and glorified through our journey
2. that the birthmother will have the peace of Christ as she makes decisions for her baby
3. that Bill and I remember to be patient and wait on God's timing, not ours
4. we would be wise about what we say to and about the birthmother he has prepared for us
5. we would use our time wisely as we prepare for a baby in our home since we have no idea how long we will be waiting for a birthmother match
6. financial wisdom as we rely on one income instead of two
7. rely on God's strength and not our own

We are so very excited to be at this point in our journey!

Season of Change

Growing up, fall was always my favorite time of year. It meant new clothes & school supplies, crisp mornings, apples fresh from the harvest, putting up all the produce we grew in the garden, and the last of the late summer blackberries. The Labor Day weekend outings heralded the end of summer and the start of fall, even if the calendar said fall was a few weeks away yet.

When we moved up here to Alaska almost 11 years ago, I was shocked that fall is all of maybe 4 weeks long. Then the long winter assaulted us rather suddenly. And this last winter felt so much longer because of the deep cold for extended periods. When spring finally arrived, I felt like I was finally able to uncurl from a tight little huddle. Spring has become my new favorite season, and I've been relishing every moment of it for the last few weeks.

Bill and I discussed for a very long time about another kind of change in seasons: my job. As we worked our way through adoption paperwork, I felt very strongly that I wanted to stay home full-time with our child, but we just weren't sure about the timing. And to be honest, I was struggling with a nagging feeling about making ends meet with only one income. I considered taking a leave of absence for a year as a "trial run" rather than make a clean break by resigning.

But a few weeks ago, we finally decided it was time to step out in faith. The Lord has always blessed us richly and met all of our needs. Even when we nearly drained our savings to buy our house 4 years ago, He still provided abundantly. My nagging fears were really doubts about whether the Lord would take care of us. Foolish, since He had already proven Himself time and again. And we have a promise in Scripture.

Luke 12:27-29 

 ²⁷Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
 ²⁸If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
 ²⁹And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.

Wednesday afternoon, I walked into my principal's office and handed him my resignation. No more debating. No more agonizing. C'est fini. Done. Over. Like the long winter, I am finally breathing free after months of internal debate and hand-wringing. We are looking forward to the possibilities that lay before us. Yes, we were excited to embark on this journey of adoption, but now it seems somehow even more real. I no longer have a safety net, no comfortable routine of summer-school year cycles that have dominated the landscape of my life for the last 17 years. Now we begin something new.

I have no idea how long it will take to be matched with a birth mother. We're still working through the paperwork we received last October. But one thing is certain: the Lord has already been down this unknown road and will guard our steps, provide when we don't know what else to do, and reassure us that He's in control of ALL our seasons.

Learning to give thanks in the delays

Yes, we're still working on paperwork. ::sigh::


BUT, Bill and I talked recently about how what seems like delay after delay is really just a cog in the grand design of God's plan. There are some positive things about the delays:

• I can finish the school year without having to take maternity leave only to return to work
• Bill and I got to take our honeymoon (FINALLY - after 12 years of marriage!)
• We can really think things through instead of rushing an important decision

So what's the hold up now, you ask? I mentioned previously that one of the requirements in the new paperwork we got was to get 1st Aid/Infant CPR certified. Bill's schedule this semester is rather grueling. I haven't seen him home on a Saturday in......I don't even remember. Sunday he's so exhausted from the week that he naps for most of the afternoon before returning to church for evening service. He's up between 4-6am, works for a couple hours before getting breakfast and a shower, then puts in a full work day and comes home and works all evening until he just can't stay awake any longer. The first chance he'll have to work with the training material for certification is Thanksgiving. And I had to extract a promise from him that he would take a day or two off during that break to focus on adoption stuff. I'm gonna hold his feet to the fire on that one.  ;)


One of the other tasks he/we need to complete are birthparent letters. We each wrote one letter previously, but now we've found out that we each need to write TWO - one to each birthparent. And a financial statement. And a training log. And proof of insurance. And, and, and, and!


A friend of ours from church has been praying for our adoption. One day he asked for an update, and then shared that close friends of his had attempted an adoption years ago. But after the onslaught of paperwork started, they gave up.


That's really sad given the number of children waiting for homes (both born and unborn), but I completely identify with that couple. There have been a number of times that I've asked myself, "Are you really sure about this? Is all this paperwork really worth the hassle?"


But then I remind myself that at the end of it all will be a tiny little life that God entrusted to us. A person that has great value in His eyes. A squirmy little bundle of joy that will be thoroughly loved in our home.


I think when I get to the end of all this "hassle", I will answer my own question with an unequivocal, "YES!"

More?

Well, this is an update long overdue! Sorry about that!

I'm feeling like this cat right now. We found out a couple of weeks ago that there's MORE paperwork we need to fill out for Bethany before we can be officially "waiting", and it's not trivial, either. As I went through the packet (no, not just a couple of sheets like I'd hoped, but a WHOLE PACKET) there were some things that we just need to transfer since we already filled it out for the homestudy. But in this paperwork, it says we both have to get FirstAid and infant CPR certified. No problem for me, but Bill has never had that kind of training. So, now we have paperwork AND tasks to complete.

Oy vey! Please keep us in your prayers. All this paper makes me wonder if this is all we will be doing for a while. We weren't expecting this most recent packet, so now I wonder how much more is there that no one has told us about yet?

"Dear Lord, guard my heart and mind from discouragement and impatience. You have all the details worked out before us, and You know what is best in Your perfect timing. Teach me to wait on You. Amen."

Quick update: almost there

We finally finished our part of the homestudy! We had our final interview/homestudy on Tuesday. We invited the social worker over for dinner and talked through the meal and for a while afterward. It was really nice! So now we're just waiting on the fingerprints, references and for the homestudy report to be written up. We should be good to go late June/early July! I have to say it's really nice to have this HUGE piece of our adoption finally done.

In the meantime, we have a little paperwork for the agency to finish and a profile book/photo album to put together. And then there's the matter of a nursery to get ready....  ;)  With much prayer and hard work, Bill and I hope to be waiting for a match in July!